Moving Forward
by Katelyn O'Malley
Summary: Kimi is having problems moving on from her past. She's living with her best friend, who she thinks she has feelings for, and she finds herself jealous of Lil.
1. Here I Am

_**Kimi is having problems moving on from her past. She's living with her best friend, who she thinks she has feelings for, but she feels jealous of Lil's new relationship. **_

**_Disclaimer_**_**; I do not own. Although one character, who will appear in later chapters, I do own. **_

_**Here I Am**_

Here I am, months after the incident. I'm sitting in Lil's apartment, in a chair with my knees pulled to my chest, staring at the TV. Phil is passed out on the couch, snoring loudly. Lil and Tommy are in the kitchen "getting snacks" but they've been in there for over ten minutes. I roll my eyes and laugh to myself, Phil would be livid if he knew Tommy was in the other room making out with his sister.

I look at the scars on my wrist. Scars that happened a little after the incident. I ran my fingertips over them, remembering everything that happened. I could feel the tears threatening to fall, but I refused to cry over him again. I refuse to cry over what we had, if we had anything at all.

Since said incident, I've been in therapy. The doctor makes me go once a week to make sure I'm fine and sane. To make sure I'm still the same Kimi Finster that I was before the incident, but I'm not. I never will be. Phil starts to stir on the couch and I can feel his eyes on me "You okay over there, Kim?"

I tear my eyes away from the scars and give him my best fake smile "Yeah, I'm good." I get up out of the chair and start towards the kitchen.

I walk in and see just what I thought was happening. Tommy has Lil pinned against the counter and they're making out. I clear my throat, making my presence known to them. Lil pushes Tommy away from her looks over at me "Are you hungry?"

I look over at Tommy who's smirking at Lil. It was no secret that the two of them were in love with each other, and I never understood why they bothered keeping it a secret. "Starving."

Phil walks into the kitchen and leans against the wall, arms crossed "Are you making food?"

Lil nods and starts getting things out of cabinets, I'm sure she doesn't even know what she's about to cook "Yeah, you want something?"

Phil nods and sits at the kitchen table and I join him. I'm watching Tommy and Lil closely. Tommy had his hand on the small of her back and was now whispering something in her ear. I turn to Phil to see if he's watching but he's too busy on his phone to notice. I sigh and lean on the table. Phil looks up at me and smiles "What's up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just look in thought. Something on your mind?"

Phil has always been that one friend I could count on. He was there for me after the incident and he's even letting me live with him. I could tell him anything, I trust him with my life. "Nothing important."

Tommy, Phil and Lil all knew what happened. They knew about the incident, which is why Phil offered to let me live with him. He didn't want me around _him _anymore. Like he was for Lil, Phil was also very protective of me. It was one thing I always loved about him. I only wished Chuckie had been like that.

Chuckie. My brother. He moved a while ago. He married his high school sweetheart, Samantha Shane, and they moved to the other side of California. I heard from him once a week, usually on the same day I have my therapy. At least I still get to talk to him.

Tommy joins us at the table but his eyes are still on Lil. I had to admit it, they would be cute together. I honestly think they _are _ together. I've barely left Phil or Lil's apartment since what happened. Tommy's been around a lot more lately, he even spends the night here. They were always being sneaky when with each other and always, like I caught them earlier, making out when they have the chance.

I looked over at Phil whose eyes were glued to me. I roll my eyes at him "I promise, nothing is wrong with me Phil."

Tommy looked away from Phil and his eyes were now on me "You do look pretty out of it."

I sighed in frustration and lean back into the chair, crossing my arms "I'm fine, okay?" I force a smile to make them believe me.

Tommy looks convinced but Phil doesn't. Phil could read me like an open book. Lil sets a plate down in front of me and then one in front of Phil. She walks back over to the stove to get two more plates for her and Tommy. I look down at the plate, breakfast for lunch. Brunch. My favorite.

Even though Phil was the better chef, Lil also knew how to cook. She was just as good but Phil was a little better. We ate in silence. It wasn't even a bad silence because we were all use to eating in it. Tommy hated it when Phil would talk with his mouth full, which happened often. When Phil would do that, Lil would start laughing because he sounds so ridiculous and she starts choking, causing everyone to freak out. It happened every time we would talk while eating.

I got up and thanked Lil for the food. I looked at the time and realized I had to get ready to go to therapy. No words could describe how much I hate therapy. I blame him. I wave a goodbye to Tommy and Lil and walk across the hall to Phil's apartment.

I'm face-to-face with my closet now trying to decide what to wear to this weeks therapy session. Doctor Parker didn't care what I wore, but I liked making a good impression. I pulled out one of my classier dresses and change into it. I walked over to the mirror and did my makeup before pulling my hair out of the ponytail and let it fall down my back.

I walked out of my room and grabbed my keys that were sitting on the counter and was about to walk out the door. "You leaving?"

I jumped and turned around putting a hand to my chest "Shit! Phil! You scared me!"

Phil laughed and turned to look at me "Sorry Kim, but are you leaving?"

I nodded and put my hand on the doorknob "You know, if you ever want someone to go with you, I'd be glad to."

I smiled to myself and turned back around to face him "Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine going alone." I open the door and walk out before he has anything else to say. I get in my car and start driving towards the office.

I walk through the door and I see people sitting in the waiting room. They all turn to look at me, the same thought probably running through all of their heads '_what's wrong with this girl? She looks so normal." _I give them all smiles and walk towards Doctor Parker's door and knock. She opens it and gives me a smile before motioning for me to take a seat.

She only knew what my parents told her. She didn't know the whole story. Today was the day I was going to open up and tell her everything that happened. "So Miss Finster, how are you today?"

"I'm doing just fine. I've spent all day with my friends."

"How are you feeling about what happened?"

I sigh, it was time to finally open up "The same I feel everyday. Miserable. Upset. Depressed. I look at the scars on my wrist and automatically think about what happened."

Doctor Parker nodded and gave me a smile "Are you ready to talk about it?"

"I'll never be ready to. But I know I need to."

"Whenever you're ready, Kimi."

I take a deep breath and ready myself to finally tell someone what happened that day.


	2. The Incident

_**The Incident**_

"It was a Monday night, I was out with my boyfriend then, Keith. When we started dating he was so nice. My best friend approved, Tommy approved, even Phil did. I thought things were perfect with him. We had been dating for six months, and hadn't had one fight. We spent most nights together, usually at his place. I had even moved in. I met his family and they loved me, I didn't think anything could go wrong. But on this day, I found something out. Something that could change our whole relationship, so I asked him to take me out so I could have possibly one last good night with him, and this is how it went..."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I walked up to Keith's apartment and knocked on the door. He opened it and smiled at me "Hey babe, I wasn't expecting you until later."

I gave him a kiss and walked through the door "I think we should go out today. Spend the day together, you know? Like we use to."

Keith shut the door and walked over to me, putting his arms around my waist "Sounds good. Where do you want to go? The movies, a romantic picnic in the park?"

"Anything. I want to do anything. I just want to spend the day with you." I gave him a smile and tried pulling him closer to me, but he was already as close as he could get.

"So movies, a picnic, and then anything you want?"

Keith knew how to treat someone. It was rare that he told me no. If I wanted to go out, he would take me out. If I didn't want to see a certain person, he would make it his goal to help me avoid them. "Can we go now?"

Keith nodded and grabbed his car keys "This should be a good day."

I nodded and looked down at the ground while we walked out of his apartment and down to his car. I wanted this day to go as perfect as possible, maybe he won't be so mad about the news. Maybe he'll even be happy.

We pulled into the theater parking lot and he got out to open the door for me. I smiled at him, he was so sweet to me. We walked hand-in-hand into the theater and he bought our tickets. I looked around the lounge of the theater for the familiar face of Phil DeVille, he worked there at the time and he knew what I had to tell Keith. I was hoping to see him so I could have some courage for later.

We walked into the theater just as the movie was starting and he picked out seats. He put his arm around me as we watched the movie and I couldn't help but get this sinking feeling that I was never going to feel it again. I shook the feeling off and just enjoyed the feeling of being close to him.

When the movie ended we walked out and my eyes fell onto Phil who looked over at us. He gave me a reassuring smile and I smiled back in return. Seeing Phil's smile had a way of comforting me.

Instead of a picnic Keith took me out to dinner. Picnic or not it was still romantic and he was sweet as could be. I was sitting there, listening to Keith go on about some family reunion he has coming up and how he wants me there. I smiled to him, I loved that his family counted me as part of them.

I looked at my watch and sighed. It was getting late and I had work in the morning, I had to tell Keith soon or I'd lose all nerve I had.

We walked back into his apartment and I gave him a kiss "Thank you for tonight."

He kissed me back more passionately than before "It's no problem at all. I'd do anything for you"

I backed away from him and started pacing. I was looking at my hands and moved them in all kinds of directions when I started talking "I woke up this morning and I felt _really _sick. I didn't know why but then it clicked in my head, so I went to the store and I got a test and it came out positive and I wasn't sure how you'd react so I wanted to spend one last perfect day with you."

"Slow down, Kim. What are you saying?"

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes "I'm pregnant."

I watched as Keith started hesitating. He looked uncomfortable. He started messing with his hands and avoiding all eye contact with me "How do you know it's mine?"

"Because I've only slept with you."

Keith shook his head "It can't be mine, or you're playing some sick joke with me."

"Do you really think I would do that?"

"Right now, yes!" Keith stepped closer to me.

I looked into his eyes and could see anger. Anger that just kept rising. I have never seen him so mad before. I opened my mouth to say something but was stopped. Stopped by his fist hitting my stomach. Hard. Not once, not twice, but repeatedly. "I don't want some stupid kid. This is all your fault, you should have been on some kind of pill!"

I had tears running down my face and I kept repeating that I was sorry. My stomach was hurting from the multiple punches it had just received. In my head I hoped that the baby would be okay, but in my heart I knew the baby was now gone. How could someone be so heartless?

"You're fucked up, Kim. Did you think having a kid would keep us together forever? That's fucking messed up"

I kept shaking my head, saying no. The baby was an accident, I thought it was good news. Keith went to grab my arm but I managed to pull away and head towards the door. I had a hand on my stomach, and I was doubling over as I walked because the pain was becoming unbearable.

Days passed after that and I found out I had miscarried, which wasn't a surprise. She hadn't told anyone what happened yet but she was staying with Phil.

All she told him was that her and Keith broke up. I felt miserable and empty and I was home alone. I walked into the kitchen where I grabbed a knife, I wanted it all to end and that's when I cut my wrist.

Phil found me later and immediately got me help, he quit his job, and has been there for me ever since. I told him about miscarrying but I didn't tell him the reason why.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"Is that what really happened?" Doctor Parker asked.

I nodded slowly, wiping tears away. I hated having to think about that night. No matter how many months went by it still hurt to think about. Doctor Parker handed me a tissue and I thanked her. "It was traumatic. I'm never going to be the same after that."

"You got lucky, Kimi" Doctor Parker said leaning forward "He could have done more damage than he did. You're one of the lucky few"

I nodded understanding what she meant. I looked over at the clock and stood up "Time's up for today."

Doctor Parker stood up and followed me towards the door "I'm glad you opened up today, Kimi. We're making great progress."

"I'll see you next time, Doc." I said giving her a small smile.


End file.
